My Article on FamilyShare: Why Pornography is Adultery

Why pornography is adultery
It has become so commonplace that pornography equated to adultery is thought by many to be a gray area. But is it really?

By Susan Knight

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The modern world has been numbed by the constant bombardment of immorality via media to the point that considering pornography to be adultery has become a gray area. Even those whose moral compass is derived from Judeo-Christian values question this concept. But is the idea really so vague? Do we know what adultery really is?

Adultery is witnessed on television shows and movies and read about in countless tabloids, magazines and novels. It has become so commonplace as to not be recognized as immoral anymore. Many don't realize adultery is still illegal in twenty-three states. In ancient times, it was a capital offense. Now we watch it every night on TV.

One only has to open the pages of the Holy Bible, a common dictionary or log onto any Wiki to find the definition of adultery. The contemporary world views it as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than the lawful spouse (Merriam-Webster). From the Bible's perspective, if one is married and looks at, thinks about, or touches another person with lust (sexual desire) in their heart or mind, it is considered adultery. By this standard, lust is also adultery.

Oxforddictionaries.com states pornography is written or visual material containing explicit descriptions of sexual organs or activity intended to stimulate erotic (raw, sexual desire) rather than aesthetic (beautiful, pleasing) feelings. By this definition, pornography is lust.

Pornography is lust (sexual desire), and lust is adultery. Therefore, pornography is adultery.

·        Adultery is not just sexual intercourse

Adultery is not restricted to sexual intercourse between married people. In addition to lust of the flesh, "lust of the eyes" is also considered adultery 1 John 2:16, KJV.

In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior pointed out higher laws. Not only is it unlawful to kill, but anyone who is angry is in danger of judgment Matthew 5:22, KJV. It is well-known anger can lead to murder. Thus, anger is a higher law—a higher commandment to keep.

One of the most powerful scriptures about adultery comes from our Savior, again from the Sermon on the Mount:

"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28 KJV

These verses in Matthew clearly state looking on a woman with lust is adultery. Adultery is against the law, and lust is the higher law.

·        Adultery without sexual intercourse

In the Bible, adultery without sexual intercourse is referred to as "wanton eyes" Isaiah 3:16, KJV, or "eyes full of adultery" (See 2 Peter 2:14, KJV). These scriptures state plainly adultery is not only a sin of the flesh, but of indecent images seen by the eyes.

It is not coincidental that pornography is taken into the brain through the eyes. Since lust is defined as being consumed with sexual desire, pornographic craving to view woman after woman in obscene sex acts (read: multiple partners) is clearly adultery. Any spouse who is the victim of their partner's pornography addiction will equivocally agree pornography is cheating. Why not call cheating what it really is? Adultery.

·        Social media and adultery

Another way adultery is committed is via social media. Provocative words in a text, an email, or a chat room cause sexual arousal. This is pornographic, which is then adultery.

Men and women, who participate in social media porn, are, by definition, adulterers. Call it what it is.

·        Women and pornography

Women view internet pornography as well as men. In fact, one in three viewers of porn is a woman, and that statistic is rising.

Many women are addicted to "erotica," or what the world calls "romance novels." These books are explicit with titillating, immoral sex acts. Erotica is a synonym for pornography, and pornography is adultery.

·        Pornography statistics

Half of all divorces in the U.S. stem from pornography addiction. (See mind-armor.comor TechAddiction)

·        Seven out of ten males view internet porn in the U.S. (that's 70%)

·        2.5 billion emails per day are pornographic (that's 8% of all emails).

·        There are 116,000 searches for "child pornography" every day. Every day!

·        Age eleven is the average age when a child first sees porn online.

·        Utah has the nation's highest online porn subscription use at 5.47 per thousand.

·        Pornography addiction

In porn addiction, the viewing becomes an obsession, then a compulsion. The images must become ever more stimulating, atrocious and shocking to have the now-addicted appetite sated, just as a drug addict needs one more hit of crack; a smoker must have one more cigarette; a gambler needs one more roll of the dice.

·        Thou shalt not commit adultery

Modern-day streaming of pornography on the internet through computers, iPads, and smartphones has multiplied its use exponentially. The stigma of "adulterer" seems to no longer be a reason to stay away from the poison of porn. But beware—addiction may quickly capture one's soul with just one peak, turn of the page, or swipe of a finger on a smartphone.

It is argued here with semantics, statistics, and religious standards that pornography is lust and lust is adultery. Some may still dispute the classification, but perhaps others will experience an ah-ha moment and move past the gray question.

What do you think?

A Woman's Plimsoll Line: an excerpt from my memoir

September 30, 2010

I found an interesting article on the internet about a woman’s plimsoll line. I didn’t even know what a plimsoll line was until I read it. It’s a marked waterline on the side of a ship used by sailors to let them know when the boat is filled and can’t take on any more cargo.

If you look at a plimsoll line as the “last straw” or “crossing the line,” then this analogy works very well for women who are/were abused or victims of infidelity. I hit my plimsoll line this year. I couldn’t take on any more of his nonsense. My burden over the years accumulated and it became too great to bear . . .

 

Each woman's plimsoll line is unique. Each woman's burden is her own to carry, or discharge if the line is breached.

 

I remember drawing that line, on the kitchen table, back in February. I told him, "This is the line. I am here. She is there, on the other side. You need to choose."

 

What I didn't know then was that the choice was really mine, and had been all along.

 

Some Financial Advice For While You’re Still Married

I am the last person to give financial advice. This is only what I wish I had done before it came to divorce.

I was a stay-at-home mom, working only part-time jobs. I had no college education to be able to gain a better salary. When I graduated high school, women didn’t need college educations unless they were going to be nurses or teachers. Times have changed.

I realize now I should have taken more interest in our financial affairs during my marriage. Money talk went right over my head. My eyes glazed over. If I saw a dollar sign, my brain shut off.
Denial!

And besides, he didn't want me to know how much money he really made . . . *face palm*

Funny, now that I’m divorced, this is what I have to conquer on a monthly basis when bills are due. It's not so scary now. I learned how to budget. See what money is coming in and plan for bill payment. Write a check or go online and pay the bill.

What’s not easy is worrying about having the money to do it. So far so good for me. I don't know what the future may hold.

But I digress.

Protect yourself now. If you’re thinking divorce is in your future, take control. Work with your spouse on your financial profile. I had never helped my husband prepare our taxes. Never. Ever. And he liked it that way. It was another way of keeping control.

Imagine my surprise when I helped him prepare our taxes for the last time—so I could see how it’s done. It was then I learned how much money my husband really made. He made it seem we were always in a financial crisis. He led me to believe we were living just above poverty level. He demanded I work—full-time—not part-time as I had been doing so I could be home with our kids. I found out he made six figures--without my puny part-time wage.

My part-time job finally went full-time the year before our divorce process started. But my ex was never satisfied. We never had enough money because of his indiscriminate and secretive spending.
By not knowing our financial position, I didn’t spot his skimming of our accounts. I didn’t realize what he was spending on himself—all the while telling me not to buy groceries, sometimes for three weeks in a row. I would question his purchases, but he always told me, “Don’t worry about it.” So I didn’t. I was in total denial. I, erroneously, trusted him.

Words of advice:

·       Women, check your bank accounts on a weekly basis. You can do this online now. Your husband most likely already set up a password. Get it from him.

·       Know where all the documents are for your finances. Mine were in a desk in his “man cave.” He resented me going through “his” files. I had to remind him they were “our” files. Once the divorce was on, I found out later he hid some money in a secret savings account. I couldn’t prove it. Well, I could have, if I wasn’t emotionally drained during the divorce process. If I would have found out about it sooner, I wouldn’t have been hoodwinked.

·       Work together on paying your bills every month. If he doesn’t like it, compromise and each pay half of the bills with joint money. Tell him it will give you experience in case something happens to him.

·       Get a credit card in your own name while you’re still married—if you have good credit. If your spouse pays the bills in a timely manner, you probably have a good credit score. Once you get your own credit card, pay the whole amount off every month. Don’t spend what you don’t have and this will be easy.

·       Work together on preparing your taxes.

·       Know about his 401K and your IRA, if you have one.

I know this might sound scary to some of you, but it’s essential in protecting yourself from a calamity that will affect your whole life after your divorce, if you get one.

Does anybody have any other advice?

Teen's Porn Brain Article Was Too Soft

By Susan Knight

 

Warning: this blog post may be too graphic for the faint-hearted.


We've all been there. One website led to another. Only this was an article about how porn affects teenage brains, and not porn itself. Click on the title below.

 

Your Teen's Porn Brain

I think the article was too soft. It wasn't scary enough. The author should have delved more into what can and does happen to the brain when viewing, and getting addicted to porn.

The sad part was the comment section. Most of the comments were by teenagers who have NO IDEA!

 

The following is what I wrote in the comment section:

 

I didn't read every single comment because it got me too frustrated.

You all have no idea . . . really . . .

I was so naive about the harm pornography causes. For those of tender teenage years, you haven't lived through a marriage that was torn apart by a husband's pornography addiction that began in his teens.

He never knew or understood what true love is, or showing love through the sexual act, which should be a private display and not public. It's supposed to be intimate and beautiful, not public and rough and wretched.

First of all, pornography, like anything, will be addictive to those with addictive personalities. Not all people who drink alcohol become alcoholics. Some know when to stop drinking. Not all people become addicted to porn. At some point, they know when to stop watching and can stop themselves.

For those who don't stop, the pleasure part of their brains need more and more to be satisfied. What was titillating last week needs to be upgraded this week. It's the dopamine effect.

Addicts then proceed to advanced masturbation and cannot be satisfied by physical sex between man and woman because using one's hand causes more pleasing friction than a vagina. Normal sex is not supercharged enough. It's not like the porn they watch, forgetting that camera angles can be deceiving, and editing can create a beguiling fantasy. Not to mention, bodies that are enhanced by plastic surgery.

And don't fool yourselves. Women are degraded in pornography. It's too graphic to describe. Lives are ruined. It's a dirt-bag industry--billion-dollar industry.

The chemistry in porn-addicted brains changes, leading to a form of brain damage. Pornography reaches all five pleasure points of the brain. Heroin, three. Yes, it's more addictive than heroin and more is needed to satisfy. Then those images become all they think about, even at work. I would like to see the statistics of how many men are fired for viewing porn at work. I know of men in my own company who have been caught and fired. They cannot quit it to work.

Eventually, because the ruse of porn is obsessive and the craving can't be satisfied by real life, men stop having sex with their wives/girlfriends.

I knew a man who was involved with a gorgeous woman, a super-model, athletic type, but he chose porn and prostitutes who would give him the dirty-type sex he desired--porn--which his girlfriend knew was appalling and not how real lovers behave toward each other.

Women, who are co-dependents to this behavior, have self-esteem issues because the message they get is that they are not good enough for these sex addicts.

I didn't know any of this in my life until my husband's porn addiction came to light. I quickly found out what I was up against. It's like dealing with any other addict.

After my divorce, and I confided with a few about what happened and why, so many women came out of the woodwork to talk to me about their situations, similar to--and worse--than mine. We helped each other cope and we continue to help each other heal. It's a long road with many steps to climb.

Pornography is a betrayal like infidelity, especially when spouses view it in secret. Like all addicts, they lie, steal money from joint bank accounts to fund their addictions, seek prostitutes and, for some, go over to the darker side of deviant sexual behaviors. Oh, yes. It's true. Unfortunately, I know about it firsthand.

For those whose partners are OK with it . . . I suggest you examine your reasons for putting up with it. What is the purpose of it? Why is it OK for your intimacy to be so damaged yet acceptable? Wake up!

Unfortunately, you will find out, in the end, it's not worth it.

 

 

I don't know if my comment was published. Too graphic? I had to stop myself.