I was a stay-at-home mom, working only part-time jobs. I had no college education to be able to gain a better salary. When I graduated high school, women didn’t need college educations unless they were going to be nurses or teachers. Times have changed.
I realize now I should have taken more interest in our financial affairs during my marriage. Money talk went right over my head. My eyes glazed over. If I saw a dollar sign, my brain shut off.
Denial!
And besides, he didn't want me to know how much money he really made . . . *face palm*
Funny, now that I’m divorced, this is what I have to conquer on a monthly basis when bills are due. It's not so scary now. I learned how to budget. See what money is coming in and plan for bill payment. Write a check or go online and pay the bill.
What’s not easy is worrying about having the money to do it. So far so good for me. I don't know what the future may hold.
But I digress.
Protect yourself now. If you’re thinking divorce is in your future, take control. Work with your spouse on your financial profile. I had never helped my husband prepare our taxes. Never. Ever. And he liked it that way. It was another way of keeping control.
Imagine my surprise when I helped him prepare our taxes for the last time—so I could see how it’s done. It was then I learned how much money my husband really made. He made it seem we were always in a financial crisis. He led me to believe we were living just above poverty level. He demanded I work—full-time—not part-time as I had been doing so I could be home with our kids. I found out he made six figures--without my puny part-time wage.
My part-time job finally went full-time the year before our divorce process started. But my ex was never satisfied. We never had enough money because of his indiscriminate and secretive spending.
By not knowing our financial position, I didn’t spot his skimming of our accounts. I didn’t realize what he was spending on himself—all the while telling me not to buy groceries, sometimes for three weeks in a row. I would question his purchases, but he always told me, “Don’t worry about it.” So I didn’t. I was in total denial. I, erroneously, trusted him.
Words of advice:
·
Women,
check your bank accounts on a weekly basis. You can do this online now.
Your husband most likely already set up a password. Get it from him.
·
Know
where all the documents are for your finances. Mine were in a desk in his
“man cave.” He resented me going through “his” files. I had to remind him they
were “our” files. Once the divorce was on, I found out later he hid some money
in a secret savings account. I couldn’t prove it. Well, I could have, if I
wasn’t emotionally drained during the divorce process. If I would have found
out about it sooner, I wouldn’t have been hoodwinked.
·
Work
together on paying your bills every month. If he doesn’t like it,
compromise and each pay half of the bills with joint money. Tell him it will
give you experience in case something happens to him.
·
Get a
credit card in your own name while you’re still married—if you have good credit. If your spouse
pays the bills in a timely manner, you probably have a good credit score. Once
you get your own credit card, pay the whole amount off every month. Don’t spend
what you don’t have and this will be easy.
·
Work
together on preparing your taxes.
·
Know
about his 401K and your IRA, if you have one.
I know this might sound scary to some of you, but it’s essential in protecting yourself from a calamity that will affect your whole life after your divorce, if you get one.
Does anybody have any other advice?
