My Article on FamilyShare: Why Pornography is Adultery

Why pornography is adultery
It has become so commonplace that pornography equated to adultery is thought by many to be a gray area. But is it really?

By Susan Knight

24,423 views   |   148 shares 

 

The modern world has been numbed by the constant bombardment of immorality via media to the point that considering pornography to be adultery has become a gray area. Even those whose moral compass is derived from Judeo-Christian values question this concept. But is the idea really so vague? Do we know what adultery really is?

Adultery is witnessed on television shows and movies and read about in countless tabloids, magazines and novels. It has become so commonplace as to not be recognized as immoral anymore. Many don't realize adultery is still illegal in twenty-three states. In ancient times, it was a capital offense. Now we watch it every night on TV.

One only has to open the pages of the Holy Bible, a common dictionary or log onto any Wiki to find the definition of adultery. The contemporary world views it as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than the lawful spouse (Merriam-Webster). From the Bible's perspective, if one is married and looks at, thinks about, or touches another person with lust (sexual desire) in their heart or mind, it is considered adultery. By this standard, lust is also adultery.

Oxforddictionaries.com states pornography is written or visual material containing explicit descriptions of sexual organs or activity intended to stimulate erotic (raw, sexual desire) rather than aesthetic (beautiful, pleasing) feelings. By this definition, pornography is lust.

Pornography is lust (sexual desire), and lust is adultery. Therefore, pornography is adultery.

·        Adultery is not just sexual intercourse

Adultery is not restricted to sexual intercourse between married people. In addition to lust of the flesh, "lust of the eyes" is also considered adultery 1 John 2:16, KJV.

In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior pointed out higher laws. Not only is it unlawful to kill, but anyone who is angry is in danger of judgment Matthew 5:22, KJV. It is well-known anger can lead to murder. Thus, anger is a higher law—a higher commandment to keep.

One of the most powerful scriptures about adultery comes from our Savior, again from the Sermon on the Mount:

"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28 KJV

These verses in Matthew clearly state looking on a woman with lust is adultery. Adultery is against the law, and lust is the higher law.

·        Adultery without sexual intercourse

In the Bible, adultery without sexual intercourse is referred to as "wanton eyes" Isaiah 3:16, KJV, or "eyes full of adultery" (See 2 Peter 2:14, KJV). These scriptures state plainly adultery is not only a sin of the flesh, but of indecent images seen by the eyes.

It is not coincidental that pornography is taken into the brain through the eyes. Since lust is defined as being consumed with sexual desire, pornographic craving to view woman after woman in obscene sex acts (read: multiple partners) is clearly adultery. Any spouse who is the victim of their partner's pornography addiction will equivocally agree pornography is cheating. Why not call cheating what it really is? Adultery.

·        Social media and adultery

Another way adultery is committed is via social media. Provocative words in a text, an email, or a chat room cause sexual arousal. This is pornographic, which is then adultery.

Men and women, who participate in social media porn, are, by definition, adulterers. Call it what it is.

·        Women and pornography

Women view internet pornography as well as men. In fact, one in three viewers of porn is a woman, and that statistic is rising.

Many women are addicted to "erotica," or what the world calls "romance novels." These books are explicit with titillating, immoral sex acts. Erotica is a synonym for pornography, and pornography is adultery.

·        Pornography statistics

Half of all divorces in the U.S. stem from pornography addiction. (See mind-armor.comor TechAddiction)

·        Seven out of ten males view internet porn in the U.S. (that's 70%)

·        2.5 billion emails per day are pornographic (that's 8% of all emails).

·        There are 116,000 searches for "child pornography" every day. Every day!

·        Age eleven is the average age when a child first sees porn online.

·        Utah has the nation's highest online porn subscription use at 5.47 per thousand.

·        Pornography addiction

In porn addiction, the viewing becomes an obsession, then a compulsion. The images must become ever more stimulating, atrocious and shocking to have the now-addicted appetite sated, just as a drug addict needs one more hit of crack; a smoker must have one more cigarette; a gambler needs one more roll of the dice.

·        Thou shalt not commit adultery

Modern-day streaming of pornography on the internet through computers, iPads, and smartphones has multiplied its use exponentially. The stigma of "adulterer" seems to no longer be a reason to stay away from the poison of porn. But beware—addiction may quickly capture one's soul with just one peak, turn of the page, or swipe of a finger on a smartphone.

It is argued here with semantics, statistics, and religious standards that pornography is lust and lust is adultery. Some may still dispute the classification, but perhaps others will experience an ah-ha moment and move past the gray question.

What do you think?

PornHarms picked up my article on Pornography Addiction

I wrote this article for DeseretConnect's FamilyShare.com in March.

Deseret Digital Media NewsOK publishes content from Deseret Digital Media, which has a network of websites that includes KSL.com, DeseretNews.com and FamilyShare.com

Pornography Harms picked it up.

Pornography Harms

April 25 at 7:00am · Edited · 

The Five Stages of Pornography Addiction

Viewing pornography can lead to addiction. The habit-forming substance is explicit sexual material. There are five stages of pornography addiction. Do you think you, your spouse, or someone you know might be addicted to pornography?

READ ABOUT IT HERE! *

* Deseret Digital Media has since taken down my article due to too much inappropriate content in the comments. The publishers said I did not give enough "self-help" information. However, NewsOK.com picked it up and it sometimes comes through. Try the link above and see what happens.

Luckily, I saved it, so you can read it now below. I promised myself I would not hold back in this blog--no holds barred--when explaining about the nuances of this pernicious evil. I tell it like it is, I give my research, and you decide for yourself.

I, most of all, want women like me--like I was before I did all this research--to understand about the repercussions of pornography in your marriage. Don't be in denial, like I was.

5 stages of pornography addiction

By:  Susan Knight

About one in seven men, and one in three women are addicted to porn. The largest users of online pornography are 12 to 17-year-olds. Teenagers. Fifty-six percent of divorces involve one spouse with a pornography addiction (mind-armor.com). Yes, addiction—not just viewing for recreational pleasure, but viewing it because it becomes a compulsion and the addict can’t think of or do anything else.

Do you think you, your spouse, or someone else you know might be addicted to pornography? Following are the five stages of a pornography addiction:

1. Early exposure. As was stated, the largest users of online porn are children ages twelve to seventeen. Most boys have a curiosity about the opposite sex and, unfortunately, think they can learn more about them on Internet porn sites. They yield to the enticement offered by non-human, unemotional contact. Unless they can navigate away from this temptation, they are seduced. There are new statistics that teenage boys are being diagnosed with erectile dysfunction due to advanced pornography abuse.

2. Addiction. Addiction takes place when the initial naïve curiosity turns into a physical dependence for this degenerate type of sexual arousal. In a pornography addiction, the habit-forming “substance” is explicit sexual material. To satisfy the addiction, the addict relies on the Internet, DVDs, uses his smartphone or looks at magazines or books.

Using porn increases to more than recreational exploit. The addict loses control of his or her thoughts in pursuit of the drug. The images establish themselves in the brain and are hard to shake for visually-wired males. Porn is needed for arousal and is used on a regular basis. Instead of a vein or a lung, the substance is taken in via the eyes directly to the visual cortex in the back of the brain, releasing neurochemicals like dopamine and endorphins, producing a “high.” All addictions share the same brain changes.

"Constant novelty, at the click of a mouse, can cause addiction," said Gary Wilson of TEDx, in "The Great Porn Experiment." Dopamine rewards you for seeking the visual pleasures porn presents. It makes you feel good. The brain chemicals motivate some to repeat this behavior. You keep coming back. You can’t stop. You’re hooked. Because of this chemical release — and the consequences of behavior — pornography addiction is considered to be a form of chemical brain damage. People become dependent on pornography for physical and emotional satisfaction.

3. Desensitization. Just as in any chemical dependency, the amount of pornography the addict previously used is not enough to stimulate these brain chemicals. Dopamine loves novelty. When the reward wears off, the dopamine release declines, therefore pleasure declines, the libido declines, and may cause erectile dysfunction in males. Less gratification leads to the desire for greater amounts of hardcore porn. A vicious cycle reigns. Addicts need to intensify reaching the pleasure points in their brains again, only on a more advanced level.

4. Escalation. The addict desires greater pleasure, expanded novelty, so he or she ups the dose. They pursue pernicious, indecent images from the Internet. Porn has become their drug of choice, and self-medication rises to new levels. Licentious sexual images, urges and fantasies dominate the thoughts. This over-stimulation interferes with the normal balance of the addict's brain chemicals. They now crave extreme novelty. Most viewing is done in secret.

5. Acting out sexually. Acting out is the next stage of escalation. The addict moves from viewing pornography to seeking a real world experience. It leads to risky behaviors, like stealing from joint bank accounts to pay for prostitutes, binge drinking for heightened courage to act out, unexplained anger or promiscuous sex. The latter may, and does, cause STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). Leaving their boring spouses behind, who long ago failed to fulfill sexual gratification, addicted men and women actively seek other live sex partners. If married, the addict will think nothing of committing adultery to satiate the craving for intense sexual novelty. Men will visit prostitutes; women will pick up men in bars or at the gym, or resort to cyber porn (including email, chat rooms, and social media). Chatting with strangers who vicariously satisfy sexual needs behind closed doors is adultery—ask any spouse who is victim of their partner's porn addiction and has acted out in the cyber world. It's emotional adultery and may lead to acting out with live partners.

Depending on the level of graphic, hardcore porn the addict has viewed in order to spiral to the acting-out level, some escalate to the deviant sexual behaviors and perversions of rape, child molestation, incest and even murder. Pornography could be considered a gateway drug to severe criminal behaviors.

In Ted Bundy’s final interview on the day of his execution, James Dobson uncovered the knowledge that the impetus of this serial killer’s criminal rampage began with an addiction to pornography which escalated to acting out.

A pornography addiction is about selfishness—getting, taking—not giving, as it would be in a normal intimate relationship with a spouse. The addiction makes it impossible for any emotional or marital familiarity, closeness or love.

The admission of addiction and desire to be rid of it is the beginning of recovery. It's the beginning of renewal, mending of self and relationships. In a perfect world, the addict will crave freedom from the addiction and seek help.

For more information about pornography addiction and recovery:

LifeStar therapy

“Taking the power away from porn—for good.”

Fight the new drug

Morality in Media/Porn Harms



I'd love to know your thoughts in the comments section. Even though this is a dirty subject, please keep your comments clean.

ED vs. DE: Part II

Caution: not for the faint-hearted . . .

I have been putting off publishing that last post and this one for months. This subject is hard to write about and is hard to read, not to mention, live through. But you SHOULD read the information.

Why? If you’re like me, you have no idea what you’re dealing with. I was so naive when it came to dalliances with evil. Pornography is evil.

Following are a lot of questions to think about, especially if you suspect your spouse is addicted to porn.

Does your spouse put-off having sex with you?* Withholding of anything in marriage is considered abuse. Withholding information is abuse. Withholding intimacy is abuse. Blaming you for his withholding is abuse. Watching porn is abuse. Watching porn is adultery. Adultery is abuse.

So, what are his symptoms?

·       Does he feign fatigue so he won’t have to have sex with you?

·       Does he seem distant, lose his temper easily, verbally or physically abuse you?

·       Does he tell you you’re too fat, too thin, too ugly, too old, too this or too that?

·       Does he tell you you’re just not enough?

·       Does he ignore you?

·       Has he insinuated that you are boring—or told you outright?

·       Does he want you to wear sexier clothes? Sexier lingerie? Spiky heels? More makeup?

·       Does he want you to have surgery to change/enhance your body?

·       Does he want you to change your hair color?

·       Does he wake up too early or go to bed too late?

·       Does he want you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing in the bedroom?

·       Does he spend too much time in his man cave on his computer—where you are not invited?

·       Has his computer had an inordinate amount of viruses? (pre-streaming)

How long has it been since you’ve had sexual relations with your spouse? Six months? A year? Two years? Five years? Have you wondered why, but were too afraid to ask? Or, when you ask, does your spouse accuse you of something non-related, change the subject, or start in on criticizing you?

What happens when you have sexual relations?

·       Does it last so long that you start to hurt?

·       Is he even able to have an erection?

·       Does he call you lewd names or use crude language during sex?

·       Is he too forceful or mean during sex?

·       Do you feel inadequate in pleasing him? Does he make you feel so?

·       Do you feel guilty or ashamed after having sexual relations with your husband?

·       Does he want you to perform acts you think are inappropriate, disrespectful, immoral, insulting? If you think they are, then they are!

Red flags, all. Those illusive red flags.

Continuous, compulsive use of pornography (read: addicted) not only affects your spouse’s ability to have or sustain an erection, it damages the emotional, marital relationship.

Does any of this sound familiar?

I’ve given you lots of questions to think about. What are your answers?

* Drawing from my own experience, I am writing as if the spouse is a husband. I know there are women addicted to pornography, usually via erotica. Substitute “she” for “he” if that is your experience. It is not mine.

ED vs. DE: Part I

Caution: not for the faint-hearted

ED vs. DE. Sounds like the name of a law suit. But, no, we’re talking sexual dysfunction, or, more specifically, sexual dysfunction due to pornography addiction.* We’re talking relationship problems, lack of intimacy, advanced masturbation,** and escalation of porn use.***

A friend of mine asked me, “What’s masturbation got to do with pornography?” I was speechless, but who am I to question what any good, loving, caring, trusting wife thinks? I was clueless, too, to the many intricacies that occur in the lives of men who are addicted to pornography.  Ultimately, spouses, too, are victims of the dysfunction caused by porn.

The clinical definition of ED (erectile dysfunction), dumbed down, is a failure to obtain or maintain an erection in three month's time. Think about the overuse of the drugs Viagra, Cialis and others in recent years, not to mention testosterone drugs—Androgel, Androderm, Testim and others. Men would rather have the horrible headache and other severe side effects associated with this kind of drug use, than not have the drugs.**** Spouses of these men are clueless that the reason they need them is because they are addicted to pornography.

My former spouse didn’t suffer from ED, but I discovered another common side effect of excessive pornography viewing—DE (delayed ejaculation or retarded ejaculation). I had never heard of it until after I was divorced. All of sudden, my life made perfect sense. I also felt validated. Our lack of intimacy wasn’t my fault, like he said it was. I wasn’t boring, I just wasn’t a teenager who wanted to do all that disgusting stuff that happens on porn sites. I wasn’t too much this or not enough that. He compared me to the erotic, fantasy women created by porn conglomerates, and I came up short.

How liberating to know I was not to blame for his lack of interest, not only in sex, but in me as a whole person. How revolting to know this was going on at all and had affected my whole life. Not just my life, but also the lives of my children, and the lives of our friends and family who were devastated when they heard we were getting a divorce. I don’t think anyone has yet recovered.

Following is more fodder to ponder, if questioning your marital relations.

If your spouse spends most of his free time tied to the computer viewing pornography, fantasizing and masturbating (read: lots of different partners), his feelings for you will decline to nothing. How can a wife compete with what is going on in his head? Pornography satisfies all five pleasure points in the brain. Inordinate amounts of the chemical dopamine are released causing what is known as a type of chemical brain damage. This is more damage than is done by heroin, alcoholism or smoking addictions.

Why am I telling you this? Because I was a victim of pornography addiction and its decline to sexual dysfunction. I want you to know all you can so your world will make sense to you and you can do something about it.

Check out:

·        http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

·        http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2012/05/abusing-porn/

·        http://www.issm.info/education-for-all/sexual-health-qa/what-are-some-effects-of-sustained-pornography-use

*A real pornography addiction doesn’t just mean viewing porn often. It means one is caught up in the fantasy and can’t live without it. One gets mean when not viewing it. Advanced masturbation has ruined any chance for an emotional and intimate relationship. One has unrealistic expectations with a real human, and prefers porn sex/masturbation to real sex.

**Advanced masturbation is when one prefers the friction caused by using a hand, or by having oral sex, and now can’t be stimulated by vaginal sex.

***Escalation means the viewer of porn needs more and more visual stimulation, rougher and more aggressive scenes and acts in order to be satisfied sexually. Unfortunately, escalation can lead to viewing child pornography, child molestation, and rape.

****I’m not saying all men don’t need an ED drug. Some men do have physical ailments that require its usage. ED is happening more and more to young men, and even teenagers, who are addicted to pornography and cannot maintain or have an erection while being intimate with their spouses/partners.