Caution: not for the faint-hearted
ED vs. DE. Sounds like the name of a law suit. But, no, we’re
talking sexual dysfunction, or, more specifically, sexual dysfunction due to pornography
addiction.* We’re talking relationship problems, lack of intimacy, advanced
masturbation,** and escalation of porn use.***
A friend of mine asked me, “What’s masturbation got to do
with pornography?” I was speechless, but who am I to question what any good,
loving, caring, trusting wife thinks? I was clueless, too, to the many
intricacies that occur in the lives of men who are addicted to pornography. Ultimately, spouses, too, are victims of the
dysfunction caused by porn.
The clinical definition of ED (erectile dysfunction), dumbed
down, is a failure to obtain or maintain an erection in three month's time.
Think about the overuse of the drugs Viagra, Cialis and others in recent years,
not to mention testosterone drugs—Androgel, Androderm, Testim and others. Men
would rather have the horrible headache and other severe side effects
associated with this kind of drug use, than not have the drugs.**** Spouses of
these men are clueless that the reason they need them is because they are addicted to pornography.
My former spouse didn’t suffer from ED, but I discovered
another common side effect of excessive pornography viewing—DE (delayed
ejaculation or retarded ejaculation). I had never heard of it until after I was
divorced. All of sudden, my life made perfect sense. I also felt validated. Our
lack of intimacy wasn’t my fault, like he said it was. I wasn’t boring, I just
wasn’t a teenager who wanted to do all that disgusting stuff that happens on porn sites. I wasn’t too
much this or not enough that. He compared me to the erotic, fantasy women created
by porn conglomerates, and I came up short.
How liberating to know I was not to blame for his lack of
interest, not only in sex, but in me as a whole person. How revolting to know
this was going on at all and had affected my whole life. Not just my life, but
also the lives of my children, and the lives of our friends and family who were
devastated when they heard we were getting a divorce. I don’t think anyone has
yet recovered.
Following is more fodder to ponder, if questioning your
marital relations.
If your spouse spends most of his free time tied to the
computer viewing pornography, fantasizing and masturbating (read: lots of
different partners), his feelings for you will decline to nothing. How can a
wife compete with what is going on in his head? Pornography satisfies all five
pleasure points in the brain. Inordinate amounts of the chemical dopamine are
released causing what is known as a type of chemical brain damage. This is more
damage than is done by heroin, alcoholism or smoking addictions.
Why am I telling you this? Because I was a victim of
pornography addiction and its decline to sexual dysfunction. I want you to know
all you can so your world will make sense to you and you can do something about
it.
Check
out:
*A real
pornography addiction doesn’t just mean viewing porn often. It means one is
caught up in the fantasy and can’t live without it. One gets mean when not
viewing it. Advanced masturbation has ruined any chance for an emotional and intimate
relationship. One has unrealistic expectations with a real human, and prefers
porn sex/masturbation to real sex.
**Advanced
masturbation is when one prefers the friction caused by using a hand, or by
having oral sex, and now can’t be stimulated by vaginal sex.
***Escalation
means the viewer of porn needs more and more visual stimulation, rougher and
more aggressive scenes and acts in order to be satisfied sexually.
Unfortunately, escalation can lead to viewing child pornography, child
molestation, and rape.
****I’m not
saying all men don’t need an ED drug. Some men do have physical ailments that
require its usage. ED is happening more and more to young men, and even
teenagers, who are addicted to pornography and cannot maintain or have an
erection while being intimate with their spouses/partners.
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