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Wednesday, October 16, 2013

ED vs. DE: Part II

Caution: not for the faint-hearted . . .

I have been putting off publishing that last post and this one for months. This subject is hard to write about and is hard to read, not to mention, live through. But you SHOULD read the information.

Why? If you’re like me, you have no idea what you’re dealing with. I was so naive when it came to dalliances with evil. Pornography is evil.

Following are a lot of questions to think about, especially if you suspect your spouse is addicted to porn.

Does your spouse put-off having sex with you?* Withholding of anything in marriage is considered abuse. Withholding information is abuse. Withholding intimacy is abuse. Blaming you for his withholding is abuse. Watching porn is abuse. Watching porn is adultery. Adultery is abuse.

So, what are his symptoms?

·       Does he feign fatigue so he won’t have to have sex with you?
·       Does he seem distant, lose his temper easily, verbally or physically abuse you?
·       Does he tell you you’re too fat, too thin, too ugly, too old, too this or too that?
·       Does he tell you you’re just not enough?
·       Does he ignore you?
·       Has he insinuated that you are boring—or told you outright?
·       Does he want you to wear sexier clothes? Sexier lingerie? Spiky heels? More makeup?
·       Does he want you to have surgery to change/enhance your body?
·       Does he want you to change your hair color?
·       Does he wake up too early or go to bed too late?
·       Does he want you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing in the bedroom?
·       Does he spend too much time in his man cave on his computer—where you are not invited?
·       Has his computer had an inordinate amount of viruses? (pre-streaming)

How long has it been since you’ve had sexual relations with your spouse? Six months? A year? Two years? Five years? Have you wondered why, but were too afraid to ask? Or, when you ask, does your spouse accuse you of something non-related, change the subject, or start in on criticizing you?

What happens when you have sexual relations?
·       Does it last so long that you start to hurt?
·       Is he even able to have an erection?
·       Does he call you lewd names or use crude language during sex?
·       Is he too forceful or mean during sex?
·       Do you feel inadequate in pleasing him? Does he make you feel so?
·       Do you feel guilty or ashamed after having sexual relations with your husband?
·       Does he want you to perform acts you think are inappropriate, disrespectful, immoral, insulting? If you think they are, then they are!

Red flags, all. Those illusive red flags.

Continuous, compulsive use of pornography (read: addicted) not only affects your spouse’s ability to have or sustain an erection, it damages the emotional, marital relationship.

Does any of this sound familiar?

I’ve given you lots of questions to think about. What are your answers?

* Drawing from my own experience, I am writing as if the spouse is a husband. I know there are women addicted to pornography, usually via erotica. Substitute “she” for “he” if that is your experience. It is not mine.

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