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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

What Say Ye?

I started journaling my divorce experience since I first found out about my ex-husband’s affair in 2009. I put it in a password-protected Word document on my computer. I didn’t want anyone to find out about it. I was embarrassed, humiliated, angry. . . if anyone read what I wrote—what would they think of me?

I let it all out during this journaling time. When I got to counseling, the therapist told me I should write it all down and get it all out. I told him I had already begun. It was cathartic. I could say whatever I wanted about my marriage and my (ex) husband and nobody would know about it—well, except God and my guardian angels. Yet, I felt Providence was leading me, guiding me to discovery about the terrible, awful secrets harbored by my spouse. Anything I said in my journal didn’t come close to comparing to what he was doing.

I found the pornography after we were in therapy. A legion of red flags was waving in front of my face. Still, I persisted in counseling and in “working on my marriage,” presumably with my spouse.

Since I moved out west, I have been taking that vitriolic verbiage and editing it into a memoir. I was hoping to publish it someday, but I don’t want my kids to read it. However, I do want others, who are going through the same thing I did, to read it.

Thus, this blog.

I would love to know how others of the same experience dealt with their ordeals. But I understand if you’re too afraid to comment. I urge you to comment anonymously. Whatever you say could be the exact thing another woman needs to hear.

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