Preface For a Book Perhaps . . .

I kept a journal through my whole divorce process. To say it is vitriolic is an understatement. Those who have been through it will agree it is necessary to get these "feelings" out of your system. You are full of hate and yet want to appear "dignified." It's a dichotomy of thought righteous women go through when bombarded with their husband's indisgressions.

My hope is to write a book about this journaling some day to help other women (and even men) who are going through what I did. I couldn't find a book that applied to me and what I was going through. The content of my book travels the steps from discovery through denial, from fear to finding courage, and up a lot of other steps I didn't see myself ever climbing.

The good new is, I'm divorced. Happily divorced.

Last night I wrote the preface for a tentative book about Divorce and Courage. I don't have a title yet. That will come later, maybe with my readers' help. Some of this copy I've used in the left-hand column of this blog. It might need some tweaking, but below is the rough draft:

When I was experiencing the phases of my divorce, I thought I was the only one going through the events that unfolded.

I was wrong.
There are many women who experienced—and are still experiencing—what I did. Some of us found each other and commiserated, but we had the same questions: Why did this happen to me? How could I have let this happen? Why didn’t I see things clearly? What comes next? How much more do I have to endure?
The precursor to my decision to get a divorce was the Triple A: Abuse, Adultery, Addiction. Sound familiar? As a co-dependent, I kept our family life very well-hidden from the public. My mission was to save face—look good. My husband cooperated very nicely to that effect when in the company of our friends. Everyone thought he was a “really good guy.” Nobody had any idea what our family was going through.
Now I know my mission was to stop the abuse and save myself. I also hope my children, and the generations who come after them, will not cause or succumb to these same offenses.
If this sounds familiar to you, you might like to read this book and find out you are not the only one.
This is not a self-help book. There are no “Steps to a Healthy Divorce” within these pages. It’s a self-realization book that describes the huge steps you will climb during the discovery, denial and divorce processes. Sometimes you will fall down a step or two, but you will keep climbing. You have to—to be a conqueror.
It takes courage to get a divorce. I was the least courageous person you’d ever meet. I lived in fear and denial.
If I did it, anyone can.

 

I hope you never need this book. I hope this preface might entice you read it.

I'd love to hear from anyone who might have similar questions, feelings, or who might be in the very first stages of discovery. By that I mean, finding out about the other woman, pornography, verbal abuse, husband's apathy.

What are you feeling? We can help each other. Count on it.