I took a great training at work yesterday. The graphic and list are from that training through Intermountain Healthcare.
The question asked was Are You Resilient?
A resilient person will go with the flow, see that she can't change the current situation, so adapts to do whatever is necessary to keep on keeping on.
For instance, if your toddler gets into your just-folded clothes in the laundry basket and strews them all over the room, you can become angry and scold and fly off the handle, resulting in resentment and confusion on your child's part; or you can look over the situation, see the big picture, and realize your toddler thought he was having fun and you might like to play, too.
As you can see in the graphic below, there are things that are in your control, things you can influence, and things that are out of your control. You can control your attitude. You can influence a wayward child, but you can't control the way another person behaves.
Now that I'm divorced, I've realized just how resilient I've become. My stress level has gone way down to point where I don't need any anti-depressants,or drugs to help me sleep. I was so afraid of leaving my abusive situation, but as I look back, I wish I would have had the courage to leave when I first had the feeling my marriage wasn't right. Instead, I waited thirty years.
I can't control the past. I can only enjoy the here and now. I so want that for all of you who might be going through an abusive situation. Please recognize your worth.
The list below outlines a great way to take some small steps to overcome your need for control and find the Calgon moments in your life.
Make lemonade!
How can you
increase your resilience?
Here are some small step experiments:
1. Do a self-evaluation. What are you doing that helps you be
resilient? Where could you improve?
2. Journal for a day what stresses arise where you have no
control. Track what you choose to do in those situations.
3. When you are feeling stressed, ask yourself three questions:
a. Am I stressed about something I don’t control?
b. How do I want to respond to this?
c. What can I do to influence this situation?
d. What can I control in this situation? (it may be just my
attitude)
4. Take some time to write your mission statement. Identify what
is most important to you and where you find comfort in difficult times. What
gives you roots? What are you most committed to do in this life? Put it in a
frame and post it where you see it everyday.
5. Make a list with two columns. On the left hand side, write down
the most challenging situations you have experienced thus far in your life. In
the right hand column, identify what growth you discovered because of that
challenge. (How long did it take to make the discovery?)
• Does this remind you that you can do hard things?
• Did the characteristics of control, commitment or challenge
affect your ability to bounce higher?
• In retrospect, what else helped you bounce higher with that
experience?
6. Make a list of current concerns that you have, but of which you
have no direct control. Examples may include: my job is changing; my child
married someone I don’t like. Write down what you want your response to be in
these situations.
• I’m going to understand how my job is changing by attending
meetings and reading about the changes. I’m going to see this as a great
challenge to increase my skills.
• I’m going to get to know my son-in-law better and identify his
strengths.
7. Identify the most common times when you feel out of control. Is
there a skill that would give you more control in these situations? For
example, learning to say “no” gives you more control over your time and your
energy. Learning how to reflectively listen with your teenager may increase
your influence. How can you learn and practice this skill?
8. The next time you are feeling like a victim in a situation, ask
yourself these three questions:
a. Am I pretending not to notice my role in this situation? (when
you’re feeling like you’re a victim, not an actor)
b. Why would a reasonable, rational and decent person do this?
(when you are making a person a villain)
c. What is the right thing to do right now to move toward what I
really want? (when you are feeling hopeless)
9. Practice living in the now.
10. Find a role model of resilience.
RESILIENCE
