Three Types of Forgiveness

 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xsVM_gd0Tc

I have been wanting to post this Prager University YouTube since I first watched it. It gave me a lot to think about and ponder. I hope it will help you as it has helped me understand the process of what I need to do.

The three types of Forgiveness:

1. Exoneration: restoring a relationship to the full state of innocence before the harmful actions took place, such as an accident with no fault; when the offender is a child; and when the person who hurt you is truly sorry, takes responsibility, and sincerely asks for forgiveness.
   
2. Forbearance: when the offender makes a partial apology, mingles expression of sorrow with blame that you somehow caused them to behave badly, and may not be authentic. Retain a sense of watchfulness; trust, but verify. Keep the relationship if you wish.
   
3. Release: does not exonerate, nor require forbearance, or continuing the relationship. Instead of continuing to define the hurt, release the bad feelings and preoccupation with the negative things that happened to you. Release allows you to let go of the burden, pain, and anger. Don't let those that hurt you live rent free in your mind, reliving forever the persecution that happened.

I can see how I've lived through the first two types of forgiveness over and over . . . and over. I exonerated without his repentance. I've displayed forbearance without his repentance. As I said before, I forgave him seventy times seven million times.

I might even say I've tried release. But somehow always falter back and give rent-free preoccupation to my past hurts.

Release sounds so liberating. Why am I having such a problem with it? 

I use this blog as catharsis, but somehow, I still do keep re-living all the hurt, pain, anger, bad feelings, and still have preoccupation with those negative things. When will the PTSD end? When I die? IDK.

Perhaps this preoccupation is, as my therapist friend said, judging him. Perhaps I need to try--every day--not to judge. I know what he did. He knows what he did. God knows what he did. That should be enough, Susan. Give it to God because I can't handle it. And God doesn't give us what we can't handle, right? He helps us handle it. Please, God, help me.